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The problem with winning the rat race is you're still a ratLily Tomlin
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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.George Carlin
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Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.George Carlin
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quitGeorge Carlin
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?George Carlin
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Atheism is a non-prophet organizationGeorge Carlin
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I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.Ellen DeGeneres
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You're only as good as your last haircutFran Lebowitz
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There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about itDennis Miller
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There cannot be a crisis next week - my schedule is already fullHenry Alfred Kissinger
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Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have childrenSamuel Butler d.J.
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Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard itLaurence J. Peter
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My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?Margaret Smith
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she isEllen DeGeneres
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks firstGeorge Carlin
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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with meElayne Boosler
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I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside downMitch Hedberg
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I was born in very sorry circumstances - both of my parents were very sorryNorman Wisdom
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I used to sell furniture for a living - the trouble was, it was my ownLes Dawson
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I have never been hurt by what I have not saidCalvin Coolidge
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I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're deadSamuel Goldwyn
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I cannot sing, dance or act - what else would I be but a talk show hostDavid Letterman
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He taught me housekeeping - when I divorce I keep the houseZsa Zsa Gabor
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Guilt is the gift that keeps on givingErma Bombeck
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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the companyMark Twain Der Spruch darf mit Autorenangabe frei verwendet werden, da die urheberrechtliche Schutzfrist abgelaufen ist († 21. April 1910) Zur Autorenbiographie
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